haha

moved: dipinthepool.livejournal.com

things to do:
by wed

establish contact with sheng hong family service centre: Fri & Sunday tutoring
confirm details on CIP camp
update 1G's class profiling for buckley
prepare for tomorrow's buckley sharing
read up on myanmar
exercise: Didn't go running today, so swimming and soccer to catch up
do some light reading

a step at a time. just keep believing. commitment

this doesn't just apply to our spiritual journey, but it's really what makes or breaks a life
don't want to leave behind so many regrets =D

woah, it's 24th Nov (which means half of hols has disappeared)
rj's coming soon.

just decided on my new year resolution : be a nicer person, be a more responsible friend/teammate, be a more effective worker, be more feeling, be more forgiving, be less judgmental, be more jovial, be more creative

to ppl whom i haven't really been nice to in ri/ any other place
i really want to say & show that i am sorry in the 2 years in rj

drained

so it's bio chem maths lit

haha, wonder who i will get as my classmates. yaoguang .... hahaha=D his cool bro yaoyang aside, one guy who is uber reliable, and i owe him a crazy big favour for driving our dramafeste like a slave-driver. so yaoguang, if u read this, marvin hereby grants you one wish in rj XD

oh, this is going to be an emo snippet - 4 years

situation:
raffles softball training

omg, their junior development programme is god damn kickass. personally witnessed one senior forgoing his training and help train little sec ones. all of a sudden, i was reminded of my humble, really really really humble beginnings in Raffles Debaters. Kinda ashamed that my seniors, Suhas's batch, Jingsong's batch, Auyong's batch, did so freaking freaking freaking much for my batch (particularly for Marvin who sucked big time a few years back, now doesn't suck as much =P)

at grad ceremony, the most moving sight of them all - sec ones locking their arms, singing the single batch song that unites seniors and juniors alike. all of a sudden, i feel so so much hope =D i see myself staring back at me. :) to my jnrs, you have no idea how much we are proud of you. for some of us, you guys define our existence as part of the school.

which means, perfect attendence at the next few debate trainings, bb events (if possible, i.e. unless there is a serious serious clash which i can't get out of). and full committment k. eh ben lau, and ben khoo whack me if i dun keep my promise k!

<3 ri a little, the school, some teachers
<3 rafflesians a hell lot, batchmates, classmates, house members, some teachers, JUNIORS (no, not a paedophile)

to the class of 2007:

it's an honour to live through these 4 years with you guys. thanks so freaking much!

marvin

of survival

haha, i survived =D

re congress went decently well
grad ceremony was alright, moving towards this end
went for chalet, man u drew, almost got killed,

and i survived one more week on my calendar of life

now on to AQ training, swimming, and sports i really like

and try to do what i can for as many ppl as possible this hols

before it's time for rj

last day in RI and the aftermath

today is officially the last day in RI, for me at least

aftermath

- yay, found out that our grp is not allocated a booth. haha, when i saw the notice on the door of the HML, heaved a deep sigh of relief=D so i didn't have to carry out my plan to work through the night on the poster. though i am still confused as to why we are not allocated a booth while others were.

- then, i wanted to go down to ij for a meeting. but stupid re rehearsal dragged till 6.30. and the thing is - we didn't get to do anything but stone there. wth.

- then got a new pair of shoes =D.

- then something happened. don't ask me unless you think i know you well

so what's next

1. finish re powerpoint slides
2. edit chris's script
3. write my own script
4. prepare powerpoint of the mun
5. dun die before grad ceremony

till then. marvin's trying to survive till friday=D

what a week.

and and and

i realized, my life is not going to be carefree during the hols
but busy with commitments
still. i really like working with people
and making a positive difference to them
so cip, mentoring, coaching, whatever services
they make my life, at least at 16=D

cause life's worth living

i am an enigmatic person

small things, really small things, like a beautifully played house anthem can stir up my emotions

y'know, that feeling beats the thrill of acing one test after another en route to a 3.93/ 3.89
beats the exhilaration of repeating the feat twice, topping subjects whatever

it's just these little things
when you are having a terrible headache
and just feel like screwing up

then a tiny minute success
it makes a difference

rather it's this assurance
that so long as you are decent
things will go decently as well

thanks.
everyone who made my day today =D

<3 all, trust a few, wrong none

so so so happy. thanks for the strength before o's

天资是一把双刃刀

chinese compres do make quite a bit of sense

a smart guy studying 3 hours before the test versus a "stupid" guy studying for 3 weeks

intellect can only go so far. it may make studying 5 times as easy, but it may make you 10 times as lazy. (i know of people who spend 3 hours mugging for eoys. retarded people)

but this is not a complaint =/

cause for those who have been working so darn hard, they would give anything for the intellect

while those with gifts are taking them for granted, and it's high time to wake up and make the best of them.

Terribly painful

it is miserable when you stay rooted.
outpaced, overwhelmed, and to a certain extent, outwitted
my soul broke today, right at the end.
all the past victories, grandslams,
they cease to be a chalice of strength, my strength
it's year 2007, 22nd October 2007
not 2004, 2005, 2006.
not the old days when i can hold my head high
it's foolish, that i know.
but at the bottom of it all, it defines our existence as Rafflesians
grades is The Threshold
an arbitrary one, an unreasonable one, an unfair one.
but a universal and eternal institution of life

somehow, i am destined to be condemned to a desolated place called 'emptiness'

sigh. just terribly confused. lit or econs in jc?
it appears i have glimpses of the answer.
perhaps you too would find enlightenment.
please enjoy.


Grades

I would love to claim credit for this work of artistic craft.

But Jia Wei, you deserve this. As a student, I concede to your prowness.

Amber prize I hope =D
The jacked, the black and the no balls one.

I find it terrible that a post intended to break a 7-month long hiatus from the blogging scene is unfortunately devoted to something as unpalatable as test scores. In a very twisted sort of way, though, it merely proves my point -- that something as insignificant and minute as a blood-red scribble at the top of your Mathematics paper, for instance, can crush your hopes and dreams and mire your ravished soul in insurmountable emotional turmoil.

This infamously dictatorial grip that grades have on an individual's emotions are painfully obvious in the reputedly elitist establishment that I purport to hail from. The contrast between the obnoxious arrogance that accompanies massive expectations in this melting pot of wannabe-elite dickheads and the forcible humility and anguish that characterizes those defeated by their grades is disgusting, repulsive, and pitiful (if only because it looks so pathetic). A case in point is a friend of mine who was so recently vanquished by his English grades. His dejection was possibly quite understandable -- after all, English was something he could "always count on" for good scores. Still, it didn't quite explain his abrupt change in disposition, where he instantly dropped all (pretensions of) pleasant good humor, and suddenly descended into a sort of self-deprecating brooding. Indeed, the only time where he decided to make even the slightest whimper was to snap back sarcastically at me when I tried (obviously to no avail) to cheer him up.

Instantly, the intelligent reader (of whom I doubt there will be very many) will catch that my reason for only just starting to detest the concept of testing is very personal. And I wouldn't argue otherwise. It is clear that what initiated deep reflection about the establishment of testing is the fact that a certain someone went all ballistic towards me because he was mad about English. And yet, however self-indulgent and subjective the entirety of the following exposition will seem, there is undoubtedly going to be an element of truth hidden somewhere inside. Maybe.

After all, if you think about it, it must mean something that tests can provoke such a massive, if unintentional, revision in attitude. Often, that revision is negative. As evidenced by the aforementioned example, tests only serve to exacerbate tensions and generate altercations. Fundamentally, tests play on our inherent, and possibly inevitable, fear of failure. Nobody, not least the supercilious sons-of-bitches that walk the halls of our sacred institution, likes to fail. Indeed, half of us don't even believe that we are capable of failing. Being housed in an ivory tower, shielded from the cold realities of... reality, instills in the average RI boy a sense of invulnerability. It lends itself very well to the whole idea of invincibility, then, that we are known as the "hope of a better age" -- as if we deserve to be assured of a future in various positions of leadership simply because we are categorized as being uniquely Rafflesian.

Tests, then, are seemingly intended, at least in a chronic-overachiever sort of context, to further solidify and ground us in the impression that we are better than all the mere mortals who maraud outside the sacrosanct halls of RI. We are thus subject to test upon test, assessment after assessment, because testing is apparently an important step in "gauging progress" and to prove beyond doubt that we are smart people.The crushing truth of believing in such a misguided delusion, however, is that we tie our fates to tests. To prove that you are worthy of a H3 in literature, for instance, you need at least a 3.2 GPA. If you somehow scrape a 2.4, but manage a 100% for literature, I hardly think that RJC will consent to let you take advanced literature in JC, because you "cannot cope with the coursework". Does it mean you stink at literature? Hardly. Will you take it to mean that way? Certainly. And why is that so? Because the establishment's idea of grading is that it is a sort of litmus test -- are we suited for the vast depths of academia, or should we consign ourselves to mediocrity?

The point is that grades are not indicative of ability. This is particularly true for subjects where grading is ostensibly subject to personal preference. And yet, people trust grades, mostly because of an innate inferiority complex that betrays an outward portrayal of confidence. We never trust our own judgment -- numbers are infinitely more reliable than us. And thus that red scribble on the top of an English paper is allowed to reign supreme over simple common sense, and govern our emotional well-being. The boy whose English grade so disturbed his fragile mental equilibrium, then, is allowing an injudicious measurement of "metacognition" overrule his claim to the throne of God of the English Department.

The reader ought to beware, of course, of the implications of agreeing wholeheartedly with this blog post. I am not advocating the complete abolition of testing. That is patently ridiculous, because of various (and very obvious) practical issues, and because it is not my place to comment on something I have been similarly consumed by. I fear just as much as the next person of failing my Mathematics test (although that is a foregone conclusion at this point in time), and doing badly for Social Studies, and acknowledge that a failure to achieve a scholarship of some form because of poor grades is testament to my failure in life.

Perhaps, if anything, this is a testament to the fact that we must all come to embrace the inequalities extended to us by an unequivocal conformity to that regrettably draconian process known as test grading.


After a year of tragedy in sec 3, let's revisit the word 'catharsis'

A Modest Proposal

Reductio Ad Absurdum at its scintillating best.

A Modest Proposal
by Dr. Jonathan Swift. 1729

A Modest Proposal for preventing the children of poor people in
Ireland, from being a burden on their parents or country, and for
making them beneficial to the publick.

It is a melancholy object to those, who walk through this great
town, or travel in the country, when they see the streets, the
roads and cabbin-doors crowded with beggars of the female sex,
followed by three, four, or six children, all in rags, and
importuning every passenger for an alms. These mothers instead of
being able to work for their honest livelihood, are forced to
employ all their time in stroling to beg sustenance for their
helpless infants who, as they grow up, either turn thieves for
want of work, or leave their dear native country, to fight for
the Pretender in Spain, or sell themselves to the Barbadoes.

I think it is agreed by all parties, that this prodigious number
of children in the arms, or on the backs, or at the heels of
their mothers, and frequently of their fathers, is in the present
deplorable state of the kingdom, a very great additional
grievance; and therefore whoever could find out a fair, cheap and
easy method of making these children sound and useful members of
the common-wealth, would deserve so well of the publick, as to
have his statue set up for a preserver of the nation.

But my intention is very far from being confined to provide only
for the children of professed beggars: it is of a much greater
extent, and shall take in the whole number of infants at a
certain age, who are born of parents in effect as little able to
support them, as those who demand our charity in the streets.

As to my own part, having turned my thoughts for many years, upon
this important subject, and maturely weighed the several schemes
of our projectors, I have always found them grossly mistaken in
their computation. It is true, a child just dropt from its dam,
may be supported by her milk, for a solar year, with little other
nourishment: at most not above the value of two shillings, which
the mother may certainly get, or the value in scraps, by her
lawful occupation of begging; and it is exactly at one year old
that I propose to provide for them in such a manner, as, instead
of being a charge upon their parents, or the parish, or wanting
food and raiment for the rest of their lives, they shall, on the
contrary, contribute to the feeding, and partly to the cloathing
of many thousands.

There is likewise another great advantage in my scheme, that it
will prevent those voluntary abortions, and that horrid practice
of women murdering their bastard children, alas! too frequent
among us, sacrificing the poor innocent babes, I doubt, more to
avoid the expence than the shame, which would move tears and pity
in the most savage and inhuman breast.

The number of souls in this kingdom being usually reckoned one
million and a half, of these I calculate there may be about two
hundred thousand couple whose wives are breeders; from which
number I subtract thirty thousand couple, who are able to
maintain their own children, (although I apprehend there cannot
be so many, under the present distresses of the kingdom) but this
being granted, there will remain an hundred and seventy thousand
breeders. I again subtract fifty thousand, for those women who
miscarry, or whose children die by accident or disease within the
year. There only remain an hundred and twenty thousand children
of poor parents annually born. The question therefore is, How
this number shall be reared, and provided for? which, as I have
already said, under the present situation of affairs, is utterly
impossible by all the methods hitherto proposed. For we can
neither employ them in handicraft or agriculture; we neither
build houses, (I mean in the country) nor cultivate land: they
can very seldom pick up a livelihood by stealing till they arrive
at six years old; except where they are of towardly parts,
although I confess they learn the rudiments much earlier; during
which time they can however be properly looked upon only as
probationers: As I have been informed by a principal gentleman in
the county of Cavan, who protested to me, that he never knew
above one or two instances under the age of six, even in a part
of the kingdom so renowned for the quickest proficiency in that
art.

I am assured by our merchants, that a boy or a girl before twelve
years old, is no saleable commodity, and even when they come to
this age, they will not yield above three pounds, or three pounds
and half a crown at most, on the exchange; which cannot turn to
account either to the parents or kingdom, the charge of
nutriments and rags having been at least four times that value.

I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I
hope will not be liable to the least objection.

I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance
in London, that a young healthy child well nursed, is, at a year
old, a most delicious nourishing and wholesome food, whether
stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it
will equally serve in a fricasie, or a ragoust.

I do therefore humbly offer it to publick consideration, that of
the hundred and twenty thousand children, already computed,
twenty thousand may be reserved for breed, whereof only one
fourth part to be males; which is more than we allow to sheep,
black cattle, or swine, and my reason is, that these children are
seldom the fruits of marriage, a circumstance not much regarded
by our savages, therefore, one male will be sufficient to serve
four females. That the remaining hundred thousand may, at a year
old, be offered in sale to the persons of quality and fortune,
through the kingdom, always advising the mother to let them suck
plentifully in the last month, so as to render them plump, and
fat for a good table. A child will make two dishes at an
entertainment for friends, and when the family dines alone, the
fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned
with a little pepper or salt, will be very good boiled on the
fourth day, especially in winter.

I have reckoned upon a medium, that a child just born will weigh
12 pounds, and in a solar year, if tolerably nursed, encreaseth
to 28 pounds.

I grant this food will be somewhat dear, and therefore very
proper for landlords, who, as they have already devoured most of
the parents, seem to have the best title to the children.

Infant's flesh will be in season throughout the year, but more
plentiful in March, and a little before and after; for we are
told by a grave author, an eminent French physician, that fish
being a prolifick dyet, there are more children born in Roman
Catholick countries about nine months after Lent, the markets
will be more glutted than usual, because the number of Popish
infants, is at least three to one in this kingdom, and therefore
it will have one other collateral advantage, by lessening the
number of Papists among us.

I have already computed the charge of nursing a beggar's child
(in which list I reckon all cottagers, labourers, and four-fifths
of the farmers) to be about two shillings per annum, rags
included; and I believe no gentleman would repine to give ten
shillings for the carcass of a good fat child, which, as I have
said, will make four dishes of excellent nutritive meat, when he
hath only some particular friend, or his own family to dine with
him. Thus the squire will learn to be a good landlord, and grow
popular among his tenants, the mother will have eight shillings
neat profit, and be fit for work till she produces another child.

Those who are more thrifty (as I must confess the times require)
may flea the carcass; the skin of which, artificially dressed,
will make admirable gloves for ladies, and summer boots for fine
gentlemen.

As to our City of Dublin, shambles may be appointed for this
purpose, in the most convenient parts of it, and butchers we may
be assured will not be wanting; although I rather recommend
buying the children alive, and dressing them hot from the knife,
as we do roasting pigs.

A very worthy person, a true lover of his country, and whose
virtues I highly esteem, was lately pleased, in discoursing on
this matter, to offer a refinement upon my scheme. He said, that
many gentlemen of this kingdom, having of late destroyed their
deer, he conceived that the want of venison might be well
supply'd by the bodies of young lads and maidens, not exceeding
fourteen years of age, nor under twelve; so great a number of
both sexes in every country being now ready to starve for want of
work and service: And these to be disposed of by their parents if
alive, or otherwise by their nearest relations. But with due
deference to so excellent a friend, and so deserving a patriot, I
cannot be altogether in his sentiments; for as to the males, my
American acquaintance assured me from frequent experience, that
their flesh was generally tough and lean, like that of our
school-boys, by continual exercise, and their taste disagreeable,
and to fatten them would not answer the charge. Then as to the
females, it would, I think, with humble submission, be a loss to
the publick, because they soon would become breeders themselves:
And besides, it is not improbable that some scrupulous people
might be apt to censure such a practice, (although indeed very
unjustly) as a little bordering upon cruelty, which, I confess,
hath always been with me the strongest objection against any
project, how well soever intended.

But in order to justify my friend, he confessed, that this
expedient was put into his head by the famous Salmanaazor, a
native of the island Formosa, who came from thence to London,
above twenty years ago, and in conversation told my friend, that
in his country, when any young person happened to be put to
death, the executioner sold the carcass to persons of quality, as
a prime dainty; and that, in his time, the body of a plump girl
of fifteen, who was crucified for an attempt to poison the
Emperor, was sold to his imperial majesty's prime minister of
state, and other great mandarins of the court in joints from the
gibbet, at four hundred crowns. Neither indeed can I deny, that
if the same use were made of several plump young girls in this
town, who without one single groat to their fortunes, cannot stir
abroad without a chair, and appear at a play-house and assemblies
in foreign fineries which they never will pay for; the kingdom
would not be the worse.

Some persons of a desponding spirit are in great concern about
that vast number of poor people, who are aged, diseased, or
maimed; and I have been desired to employ my thoughts what course
may be taken, to ease the nation of so grievous an incumbrance.
But I am not in the least pain upon that matter, because it is
very well known, that they are every day dying, and rotting, by
cold and famine, and filth, and vermin, as fast as can be
reasonably expected. And as to the young labourers, they are now
in almost as hopeful a condition. They cannot get work, and
consequently pine away from want of nourishment, to a degree,
that if at any time they are accidentally hired to common labour,
they have not strength to perform it, and thus the country and
themselves are happily delivered from the evils to come.

I have too long digressed, and therefore shall return to my
subject. I think the advantages by the proposal which I have made
are obvious and many, as well as of the highest importance.

For first, as I have already observed, it would greatly lessen
the number of Papists, with whom we are yearly over-run, being
the principal breeders of the nation, as well as our most
dangerous enemies, and who stay at home on purpose with a design
to deliver the kingdom to the Pretender, hoping to take their
advantage by the absence of so many good Protestants, who have
chosen rather to leave their country, than stay at home and pay
tithes against their conscience to an episcopal curate.

Secondly, The poorer tenants will have something valuable of
their own, which by law may be made liable to a distress, and
help to pay their landlord's rent, their corn and cattle being
already seized, and money a thing unknown.

Thirdly, Whereas the maintainance of an hundred thousand
children, from two years old, and upwards, cannot be computed at
less than ten shillings a piece per annum, the nation's stock
will be thereby encreased fifty thousand pounds per annum,
besides the profit of a new dish, introduced to the tables of all
gentlemen of fortune in the kingdom, who have any refinement in
taste. And the money will circulate among our selves, the goods
being entirely of our own growth and manufacture.

Fourthly, The constant breeders, besides the gain of eight
shillings sterling per annum by the sale of their children, will
be rid of the charge of maintaining them after the first year.

Fifthly, This food would likewise bring great custom to taverns,
where the vintners will certainly be so prudent as to procure the
best receipts for dressing it to perfection; and consequently
have their houses frequented by all the fine gentlemen, who
justly value themselves upon their knowledge in good eating; and
a skilful cook, who understands how to oblige his guests, will
contrive to make it as expensive as they please.

Sixthly, This would be a great inducement to marriage, which all
wise nations have either encouraged by rewards, or enforced by
laws and penalties. It would encrease the care and tenderness of
mothers towards their children, when they were sure of a
settlement for life to the poor babes, provided in some sort by
the publick, to their annual profit instead of expence. We should
soon see an honest emulation among the married women, which of
them could bring the fattest child to the market. Men would
become as fond of their wives, during the time of their
pregnancy, as they are now of their mares in foal, their cows in
calf, or sow when they are ready to farrow; nor offer to beat or
kick them (as is too frequent a practice) for fear of a
miscarriage.

Many other advantages might be enumerated. For instance, the
addition of some thousand carcasses in our exportation of
barrel'd beef: the propagation of swine's flesh, and improvement
in the art of making good bacon, so much wanted among us by the
great destruction of pigs, too frequent at our tables; which are
no way comparable in taste or magnificence to a well grown, fat
yearly child, which roasted whole will make a considerable figure
at a Lord Mayor's feast, or any other publick entertainment. But
this, and many others, I omit, being studious of brevity.

Supposing that one thousand families in this city, would be
constant customers for infants flesh, besides others who might
have it at merry meetings, particularly at weddings and
christenings, I compute that Dublin would take off annually about
twenty thousand carcasses; and the rest of the kingdom (where
probably they will be sold somewhat cheaper) the remaining eighty
thousand.

I can think of no one objection, that will possibly be raised
against this proposal, unless it should be urged, that the number
of people will be thereby much lessened in the kingdom. This I
freely own, and 'twas indeed one principal design in offering it
to the world. I desire the reader will observe, that I calculate
my remedy for this one individual Kingdom of Ireland, and for no
other that ever was, is, or, I think, ever can be upon Earth.
Therefore let no man talk to me of other expedients: Of taxing
our absentees at five shillings a pound: Of using neither
cloaths, nor houshold furniture, except what is of our own growth
and manufacture: Of utterly rejecting the materials and
instruments that promote foreign luxury: Of curing the
expensiveness of pride, vanity, idleness, and gaming in our
women: Of introducing a vein of parsimony, prudence and
temperance: Of learning to love our country, wherein we differ
even from Laplanders, and the inhabitants of Topinamboo: Of
quitting our animosities and factions, nor acting any longer like
the Jews, who were murdering one another at the very moment their
city was taken: Of being a little cautious not to sell our
country and consciences for nothing: Of teaching landlords to
have at least one degree of mercy towards their tenants. Lastly,
of putting a spirit of honesty, industry, and skill into our
shop-keepers, who, if a resolution could now be taken to buy only
our native goods, would immediately unite to cheat and exact upon
us in the price, the measure, and the goodness, nor could ever
yet be brought to make one fair proposal of just dealing, though
often and earnestly invited to it.

Therefore I repeat, let no man talk to me of these and the like
expedients, 'till he hath at least some glympse of hope, that
there will ever be some hearty and sincere attempt to put them
into practice.

But, as to my self, having been wearied out for many years with
offering vain, idle, visionary thoughts, and at length utterly
despairing of success, I fortunately fell upon this proposal,
which, as it is wholly new, so it hath something solid and real,
of no expence and little trouble, full in our own power, and
whereby we can incur no danger in disobliging England. For this
kind of commodity will not bear exportation, and flesh being of
too tender a consistence, to admit a long continuance in salt,
although perhaps I could name a country, which would be glad to
eat up our whole nation without it.

After all, I am not so violently bent upon my own opinion, as to
reject any offer, proposed by wise men, which shall be found
equally innocent, cheap, easy, and effectual. But before
something of that kind shall be advanced in contradiction to my
scheme, and offering a better, I desire the author or authors
will be pleased maturely to consider two points. First, As things
now stand, how they will be able to find food and raiment for a
hundred thousand useless mouths and backs. And secondly, There
being a round million of creatures in humane figure throughout
this kingdom, whose whole subsistence put into a common stock,
would leave them in debt two million of pounds sterling, adding
those who are beggars by profession, to the bulk of farmers,
cottagers and labourers, with their wives and children, who are
beggars in effect; I desire those politicians who dislike my
overture, and may perhaps be so bold to attempt an answer, that
they will first ask the parents of these mortals, whether they
would not at this day think it a great happiness to have been
sold for food at a year old, in the manner I prescribe, and
thereby have avoided such a perpetual scene of misfortunes, as
they have since gone through, by the oppression of landlords, the
impossibility of paying rent without money or trade, the want of
common sustenance, with neither house nor cloaths to cover them
from the inclemencies of the weather, and the most inevitable
prospect of intailing the like, or greater miseries, upon their
breed for ever.

I profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I have not the
least personal interest in endeavouring to promote this necessary
work, having no other motive than the publick good of my country,
by advancing our trade, providing for infants, relieving the
poor, and giving some pleasure to the rich. I have no children,
by which I can propose to get a single penny; the youngest being
nine years old, and my wife past child-bearing.

The End

Manifesto

It has to be music.

It has to scream out from the shelves
and never allow dust to settle.

It has to shake loose from the page,
stop conversations at the bar,
leave trails of itself hanging in the air
like ribbons of spot-lit cigarette smoke.

It must be capable of writing itself on walls,
able to paint city skylines
in glorious Technicolour
or a million shades of gray.

It has to take root in the cracks between paving stones
and spread its fingers out against the canvas of the sky.

It has to keep rhythm - an everyday rhythm.

It has to mark time.

It has to make news rhyme with actual fact
and truth rhyme with beauty.

It has to speak,
has to put words in people’s mouths,
make new shapes for tongues to hold,
open tired eyes to new ways of seeing.

It must birth its own language
with lips capable of kissing scars,
and it must stand
-stand as testament to the fact
that words can draw blood
and make that blood sing.

Jacob Sam-La Rose

What a coincidence?!?

It seems as if the Eng Lit Department can read my mind

when they posed the exact same question for our EOY

one which had been bugging me

time and again.

too bad i am always so caught up with commitments and whatsoever

so didn't get a chance to keep a mental note of the salient points

or pen them down on my blog

which resulted in the pickaboom tragedy at EOYs

so the question is

1. In 'Manifesto' Jacob Sam La-Rose puts forth a criteria for a good piece of Literature.

(a) Explain the criteria

(b) To what extent does Gulliver's Travels fulfill the criteria?

(c) Do you agree with the poet's assessment of what makes a good piece of Literature? You should relate your answer to the text(s) you have studied.

Haha, my response:

criteria: A didactic work with an artistic craft

i wrote a rather lengthy elaboration, but the only sentence I remember

is the three R's, not "reduce, reuse or recycle" but

"relevant, resonant, resounding"

what a mouthful haha. alliteration not intended(who am i kidding?)

then i went on to show the universal relevance of the theme in GT to the common man

since a didactic piece of work is at its core, a prescription to the masses

It has to take root in the cracks between paving stones
and spread its fingers out against the canvas of the sky.

haha, today, i am retracting what i said

one dilemma staring at me in the face(during the paper that is) was

is Swift willing to have a discourse with the common man

i dunnoe, but Swift seems to be aware that his satirical devices, especially the advanced, sophisticated technique - deep irony will generate much confusion amongst his readers, shallow, myopic, or to put it bluntly, plagued with a limited mental capacity.

at times, i just can't help but visualize an image of Swift chuckling in the background.

he can be malicious and vicious.

don't want to criticize his writing anymore.

in any case.

We are One

haha, doesn't take a literary classic to teach us a lesson or two.
kiddo-ish movies do hold testament to illuminating truths

One of my favourite quotes from Mark Twain
Happiness is a Swedish sunset - it is there for all, but most of us look the other way and lose it.

as with all things in life - truths, knowledge, happiness
it is there for all =D


We are One

As you go through life you'll see
There is so much that we
Don't understand

And the only thing we know
Is things don't always go
The way we planned

But you'll see every day
That we'll never turn away
When it seems all your dreams come undone

We will stand by your side
Filled with hope and filled with pride
We are more than we are
We are one

If there's so much I must be
Can I still just be me
The way I am?

Can I trust in my own heart
Or am I just one part
Of some big plan?

Even those who are gone
Are with us as we go on
Your journey has only begun

Tears of pain, tears of joy
One thing nothing can destroy
Is our pride, deep inside
We are one


don't we all want to feel special
want to be recognized
want to feel strong and in control

don't we hate it when people tell us
that we are still far off
that it won't make a difference if we are replaced

it's this fear of mediocrity
that drives so many of us

i seek a favour from all of you
stop in your tracks.
ask, "is there a need to be different?"

maybe, we might just find life
so much easier if we are one


We are one, you and I
We are like the earth and sky
One family under the sun

All the wisdom to lead
All the courage that you need
You will find when you see
We are one

which comes first, pathos, logos or ethos?

the be-all and end-all of lampoons by Jonathan Swift

"I grant this food may be somewhat dear, and therefore very proper for Landlords, who as they have already devoured most of the Parents, seem to have the best Title to the Children."

i have always held on to the belief that

"There is no such thing as a superior or an inferior life,
life is either moral, or immoral"

somehow, the cheeky and egotestical side of me is leans towards Wilde's principle of aestheticism, incisively encapsulated in a single declaration

"There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written, or badly written."

how how how?

of reality and the soul

on the protests in myanmar

1. the relative remoteness of the tragedy does not alleviate its severity

2. only myopic people see things within the confines of time and space

3. silence can mean the following, a realistic outlook, a defeatist attitude, or an apathetic mindset


an unexplained sense of forlorn
coinciding with a school day
sometimes, i really wonder,
what does it mean to be strong
what is the price we have to pay
it is said that fulfillment is attained
when one is at peace with his deepest instincts
it's one of the days when i am childishly doubtful
of my spiritual direction
雨过天晴， 一切将会过去的
one day, i will leave this uncertainty behind
this trait of weakness
and grow up a little
grow stronger.

marvin

things left to do till next year

1. buckley article for the rafflesian
2. brush up on my chinese (higher chinese o's)
3. re (both for congress and for rosyth)
4. rosyth coaching
5. ijmun
6. aq training (time to run!)
7. learn piano/guitar
8. cip project(any suggestions?)
9. an article everyday
10. practise writing

haha. ok. will write a post every day. not an airheaded one though, so this doesn't count =D

quote of the day:
the bed exerted too great a magnetic force.

wonder whether it's cause i have been sleeping on it too often. y'know, induced magnetism. guess what is implied in this statement =P

it's over

eoys are over.

but
i still have some undone stuff. so will only start blogging in a week's time

1. chinese project
2. 2 lit essays
3. 2 chinese movie reviews
4. buckley article for the rafflesian
5. brush up on my chinese (one thing i took away from eoys, other than 1 year worth of knowledge x 8 subjects is that ability needs to be rooted in exam sharpness. then there will be no such thing as on form/off form, something that has plagued me for the entire year)

in any case. nightmare 1 would be over this friday noon.

haha=D

will blog and blog and blog and blog after friday

school =D

this email was sent to the ccal egroups(edited here and there), but i guess it really does apply to everyone out there, maybe even those who ain't in ri =)

hey guys,

I was looking through some of the old photos taken over the past few years. the memories seem so blur, distant. that's when nostalgia hits the face real hard. i believe that many of us aren't satisfied with many things going on. Some of us have had a painfully disappointing season. And personally, there was a time when i just hated the school, its policies. The CCTs(which mean CT's with CCA, with graded assignment, and not being allowed to go home early) would have affected many of our seasons. Some of us witnessed the collapse of our dreams, a 3 plus year dream to bring back the gold as the CCAL. It definitely wasn't easy for us to say that we loved the school as much as we did after all the disappointment and frustration.

It's alright. We need to take a bit of time, as many of us have done, trying to recover from our disappointment, which was not helped when our abysmal results came back to taunt us as if destroying our cca season was not enough. I guess this holidays would have been great for many of us, especially after such a tiring, angsty, empty even Semester 1.

It's not alright though, when you look at your old photos and all you can feel is disappointment and questions of "what if we were mentally stronger", or "we could have accomplished more". I acknowledge that in my own ccas, i have had serious regrets. That being said, in the next semester, we need not have everyone scrambling to right every wrong or mistake we have made. Simply too late now. What we can ask for, and what we are asking for, is that we make the last stretch of our time a little happier, a little more optimistic, and a lot more spirited. Cliche as it may sound, this is done so that a few years down the road when we look at our sec 4 photos, we will not be too traumatized.

There are many things we can do.

CCA: For ccas whose seasons have ended, it is high time to start looking into the welfare of your members. haha, like start organizing more outings when everyone can just chill together. i believe many of us can fondly remember how our seniors used to organize activities, which make us (then sec 1s) so much more welcomed.

For ccas whose seasons are going to start: what else have i got to say

House: Dramafeste, House Carn 2. some of the highlights.
It would be great if we can get all the ccals to watch our final and hopefully best dramafeste performance in these 4 years

Prefectorial activities: Let's see how our prefects are gonna engage the school population when term starts. i have been hearing quite a lot abt youth week. let's hope it can be something like, if not better than our xbox gaming last year.

I have changed my verdict. My most memorable experience, was not 4 years back in rosyth. it's ri, here and now. you?

happy school reopens
haha,marvin

i meant to say this for a long time.
to my debating team & chere:
A few days back, i was wondering,
this year has been a horrendous nightmare,
a collage of disastrous failures
why haven't i broken down?
and i realized, the reason is you
it's more than a coincidence
that every loss was cushioned by
a. silence that tolerates my frustrations, and drowns them eventually
b. a hug which simply touches the heart
c. deciding which dvd to watch
d. dinner, where things revert to how they were before, just as all things do
e. bumming, chocolates

or just lying down, watching the stars.

=)

holidays

an amazing albeit short holiday
three weeks of what i can call a fun, enriching, tiring but enjoyable experience

1. just before school ended, i learnt alot about myself, about my working relationship with people, and things turned out well =)

2. first week of hols - RMUN :D
I mean it's cool to actually research on the topic at hand, and actually examine the different structures of peacekeeping units. hahaha, and it's cool to "persuade" people to support your reso. and it's cool to pass resos, and u get a sense of satisfaction out of it. not to mention the crazy, yea real funny fashion parade. *glares at jia wei. dinner & dance was quite alright, though marvin being marvin, got laughed at cause he actually isn't that serious on the dance floor x), ok who am i kidding

but i guess, rmun's a real good place to make friends like jia chen, dorami, sister of doraemon, eileen, kangan.....etc.

haha, conclusion: Eating More Oreos make you EMO x) haha, someone said that eating oreos will make your teeth black black. alriteo =D

3. second week of hols - Dramafeste
if anything, i am impressed. the effort put in by our scriptwriter/directors/stage manager is amazing. and i am genuinely inspired by how much drive they have, to leave a positive legacy before they leave ri. will continue helping yao guang develop his script to its full potential. as of now, i am already confident of the wit and "powerful moments" of his script

4. third week of hols - Debates
AC camp was alright i suppose, but it is probably my first time adjudicating ppl from other schools, and yea monster debriefs ... eh but i guess i really want to develop debaters from other schools as well, to the best of my abilities i suppose. but yea, my jnrs, i may not be biased towards u guys, but u guys will be special kae.

Rosyth Mentoring/coaching
haha, this year, we actually have a structured programme to teach the kids. haha, hooray! hope the p5 kiddos (yet another word i learnt this hols) will benefit and haha grow up to become the likes of jia wei (haha, who am i kidding). on a more serious note, it feels cool to be back at my alma mater and actually contributing in the only thing i don't suck at (woah, dangerously low level of ego) haha, curse of debating is now affecting primary school kids huh!

Buckley Debates
let's win it twice =) above all, house stuff is really abt developing ppl. almost the entire sec 4 team got in through u-14s, with the notable exception of abu anish. but yea, let's try and learn something out of it yea. and haha, louis, it's your 4th year liao, be one of the first to win the same comp twice kae!

end of holidays
new vocabulary
1. alriteo
2. riteo
3. kiddo
4.is it morn-nite or something. hahaha, eh if u are reading my blog tell me kae

hahaha
after a horrendous semester 1, haha marvin has become a little demented. but demented kids tend to enjoy life more yea =)

week 4 - leave no regrets behind

1. sat and sun - finish xungen tingzhang and chris. let's do something abt it kae
2. mon - finish physics. tingzhang. again!!!
3. tues & wed - finish chinese homework. wenjian's finishing the banner on tues. thanks dude!
4. thurs - finish the freaking maths assignment and revise maths, interhouse debate training
5. Friday - RE at rosyth. i needa work on Buckley stuff again yea !!!!
5. Sat & Sun - English + Chinese + Physics Round up. and Sunday night at 9pm i gotta pack bag. I gotta be prepared for school for once kae!!!

oh darn, my laptop got infected by a virus. why?!!?

Do what we can :D

“Living hell” would very well be an apt description of our world.

Do we therefore, respond negatively to such a depressing state through our laborious laments? Or do we attempt to effect a change, no matter how drastic or conservative?

Does our choice really matter? Does it fleet into the wind, or shall they last?

Example

We scatter seeds with careless hand,

And dream we ne'er shall see them more:

But for a thousand years

Their fruit appears,

In weeds that mar the land,

Or healthful store.

The deeds we do, the words we say,---

Into still air they seem to fleet,

We count them ever past;

But they shall last,---

In the dread judgment they

And we shall meet!

I charge thee by the years gone by,

For the love's sake of brethren dear,

Keep thou the one true way

In work and play,

Lest in that world their cry

Of woe thou hear!

John Keble

It frightens me.
Optimism eclipsed by cynicism. Hope marred by disillusionment.
Many have subscribed to a school of thought espoused by Henry Havelock Ellis - What we call progress is the exchange of one nuisance for another nuisance.
Many more have argued that our progress is regressive

It frightens me.
Personally, I agree with Henry. Why wouldn’t I?
Conciliation with Henry’s proposition would inevitably lead us to a realization.

Anagnorisis… … … What’s next?
We could follow Sophocles’s prescribed resolution – Plunge a golden broach into those detestable eyes.
Yet any sensible person can tell that such a course of action isn’t very different from digging a hole and burying one’s head into it just like what a dodo is infamous for.

It is at moments like this, where Keble’s words of wisdom are as resonant as ever. It could very well be the Holy Spirit speaking through him, which really shouldn’t come as a surprise considering the fact that Keble is a devout Christian.

Think about it this way. How often have we been disgusted and mortified by the terrible state of affairs in our world? How often have we been disappointed in the deplorable human condition? The icing on the cake, or the frost above the shivering chill, is that it just seems that soul is willing but the body is weak.

Helplessness. It has evolved from a word in the dictionary into an emotion in our weary hearts. It has transcended beyond the realms of the poor and trodden, to a lifestyle of all. It is the way of life in our beloved 21st century, or is it?

Let me first clarify that I am not an idealist. To a certain extent, I am pretty much a cynical dude, or oldsport as pH would call me. And this cynical voice in me reminds me that there is only so much we can do. Simply put, to change the world, it will require a colossal effort, perhaps beyond one which mere mortals can muster. The question is, do we need to change the world?

My answer is, Yes, if you can. No, if you can’t. However, there is something yet we must do besides bringing salvation to the world.

Start small, start slow. But start.

And here’s when the leadership challenge workshop comes in handy

Model the way
Inspire a shared vision
Challenge the process
Encourage the heart
Enabling others to act

=D

y’know, in your capacity as a politician, CEO, lawyer, doctor, psychiatrist, Lieutenant General, teachers or students, there’s really so much you can do, if you would only listen to your heart.

If you are a religious believer, let God (not just the Christian God), act through you, to touch the lives of others.

Stop condemning yourself into inaction with excuses such as “I can’t make much of a difference.”

We are accountable for our actions. Stop torturing yourself with regret, guilt and remorse in time to come=D

The deeds we do, the words we say,---

Into still air they seem to fleet,

We count them ever past;

But they shall last,---

In the dread judgment they

And we shall meet!

a week when i am weak emotionally and physically

1. yingyong wen
2. yanjiang gao
3. bio preparation
4. re
5. rmun preparation

and yea, of course
buckley board <3 tired smile worn on my face

i am just tired yea

Was having a long convo with hb paul last night,
it hit us that we are the 184th link, in this long chain of tradition
and that we are perhaps THE critical point
things have turned for the worse in some areas, for the better in others
cca achievements
i think it is an honour, a privilege that we are the final batch
who have been wow-ed by the good old O'level batch
our juniors, on the other hands, have seen nothing of the good old days, but this slow but steady
decline in the school.
when the class of 2008 entered ri,
their idols, i.e. the class of 2005 (esp. the PSLs) are minimally affected by RP
when the class of 2009 entered ri,
their idols, ie. the class of 2006 (esp. the PSLs) are now rather heavily affected by RP, lack of school facilities etc and other reasons discussed
this year, when the class of 2010 entered ri,
all of us sec 4s(esp. the PSLs), have now experienced the full blown effect of the above mentioned reasons,
would we still be a good enough benchmark for the class of 2010, and even the older batches of 2009, 2008?

the 184th link, make or break? all i know is that we have less than 3 months left to make a difference?

the brutal finality of it all

on a happier note,
to the U14 team 07
u guys are an amazing bunch
and u guys make us real darn proud
in you, we see ourselves
and in you, we see our efforts pay off
in you, we are assured that our 3 years have not wasted
thanks guys, you guys made our world ytd

haha =)

p.s will post abt house carn and swim carn if i got the time =]

It's finally friday.
Just grateful that no one saw me
at my most frustrated
most insecure
most lonely
most worried
moment.

tired. I am just tired
disintegration of the soul

hahaha,
4C theme song. Metal version
SpongeBob SquarePants
Are ya ready kids?
Aye, Aye captain!
I can't heeeaaar yooouuu!
AYE, AYE CAPTAIN!
oooooooooooo.........
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
Sponge Bob Square Pants!
Absorbent and yellow and porous is he.
Sponge Bob Square Pants!
If nautical nonsense be somethin' ya wish.
Sponge Bob Square Pants!
Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish.
Sponge Bob Square Pants!
Ready?Sponge Bob Square Pants, Sponge Bob Square Pants, Sponge Bob Square Pants,
Sponge Booob Square Paaants!
Ah Ha Ha, Ha Ha Ha, Ha, hArgh wh..arire..Ha arrrigh.

hahaha. the greatest battle lies within.
=)

week 8.
things to be done
1. Sunday - Chinese Yingyongwen, Read up for Bio Assignment, Make sure research for lit is done, Maths revision, revise grp list essay, Remember abt grp letter, research
2. Monday -Hand up homework leh!!! Ask hotline for help (Higher Derivatives), Ask hotline for biology notes, Revise maths :D
3. Tues- Maths Test, Confirm names for house carnival events =D, Research Education File, Revise for bio
4. Wed- Allocation of events for house carn, Revise for bio
5. Thurs- Bio test, Calling up participants for swimming and house carn <3
6. Fri - The greatest battle lies within.

haha, honestly, after i have finished typing this, haha, broke out in cold sweat =c

general resolves:
1. make full use of my mornings
2. make full use of my nights
3. do not procastinate

haha, sometimes life's so cool, sometimes it seems so meaningless
however, sometimes we needa realize
just as darkness accentuates the glory of light
we needa feel lost sometimes, just so that we feel the joy of being found.
we needa feel alone, just so that we feel loved
=)

one week

the amazing thing about life
is that at the start of the week
you know that it is going to be difficult
yet at the end of it
things just pass
they do

haha
a little happier yay!

the cycle starts again. someday, it will end yea =)

things to do:

1. Eng portfolio
2. Eng individual letter
3. Eng compre
4. Chem retarded assignment
5. Mug for chinese
6. Dep application

Above all, i got this important chinese test.

House stuff
1. Swim carn. last stretch liao
2. Maths quiz

Please, can someone help me.
was so so looking forward to training
but now =C

jg's 2007

as i am writing this blog post,
i guess i am coming to terms with the fact that
1/3 of my life just died on me
and this insidious fear of losing all i have
in a matter of months
as much as prometheum day is catharsis,
it spells the end of everything i worked hard for
ounce by ounce, drop by drop
yes, it may take away the lethargy, the pain,
the disappointments, the anxiety, the frustrations,
the anger from a very burdened boy (emo oreos!)
but what is this pain replaced with,
emptiness?

darn, i just spoilt the mood

now on to the things that actually do matter =)

tribute to the team (Chere included, duh =D)

u-14's, jg's swing, zcc's, ajc's, hc's, vj's, ncs, jg's

a confession first:
i know it's too late to make any amends. but towards the end, i guess a part of me has died down. when i look back now, i am horribly remorseful. for a moment before friday's debate, i was thinking, darn, why does it seem like eternity before everything will be over, i just want to get it over and done with. i am sorry. it just didn't occur to me then that, our time together as teammates has been so short. 5 competitions to be exact. I just didn't make the best out of the moment, i just wasn't as determined, nor as strong as before. I just couldn't end our run on a high note. the feeling sucks real bad, and i am sorry to have failed you so miserably, when it mattered the most.

i am not going to deny that i spoilt everything that is supposed to be happy, that is supposed to be a proud moment as a team.

it is frustrating that our mind are so incapable of guarding something as precious as memories

i can't even remember how was our first debate like
i can't even remember how we became so great friends
i can't even remember the times when i failed you guys
i can't even remember the times when you guys forgave me
i can't even remember the times when you guys inspired me
i can't even remember the times when you made me so proud of our team

*after knocking my head against the wall, i still can't find the answers
which debate had been the most inspiring?
which debate bonded us together?
which is which?

then i figured that,
it's the same with friendship as with love
we don't need to find a reason to befriend each other
we don't need to find a reason to be indebted to each other
we don't need to find a reason to be loyal to each other

(i guess the poem below is more for lovebirds rather than for friends/teammates/coach, but i guess the overarching theme is really quite the same)

Love not me for comely grace

LOVE not me for comely grace,
For my pleasing eye or face,

(Jia Wei, you ain't as good-looking as you think you are =P. cute = ugly but adorable. forget the adorable part)
Nor for any outward part,
No, nor for a constant heart:

(Ben & Sam, will still be friends with you guys even on the day you decide to stop being so supportive of me, forgiving me of my transgressions =D )
For these may fail or turn to ill,

So thou and I shall sever:
Keep, therefore, a true woman's eye,
And love me still but know not why—

(Anish, this works well for you, cause i just can't understand why i will befriend and trust someone so lazy, useless, and yea, such a patronizing scum)
So hast thou the same reason still

(Chere, sometimes, i wonder why you are so nice to all of us, despite all our irresponsible actions, *hangs my head in guilt, *stares at anish, the even greater culprit. Chere, I know that there must be some special reason behind your goodness, and i also know that we can't be the reason. hahaha. in any case, the 5 of us will definitely want this special reason to exist. it works out well for the 5 of us, since we get to enjoy continued kind treatment without doing anything, easier that way yea, anish would definitely agree with me =P. hehe, i am being evil! thanks :D )
To doat upon me ever!

anonymous

thanks guys

Raffles Debaters 2007
proud to be one

new lease of life =)

to all debaters out there:
one day after our big day,
is debating as how JG defined it to be - an effective communication bridge between personalities
or
is debating as how Gautier perceived - art for art's sake

Thought

Thought is deeper than all speech,
Feeling deeper than all thought:
Souls to souls can never teach
What unto themselves was taught.

We are spirits clad in veils:
Man by man was never seen:
All our deep communing fails
To remove the shadowy screen.

Heart to heart was never known:
Mind with mind did never meet:
We are columns left alone,
Of a temple once complete.

Like the stars the gem the sky,
Far apart, though seeming near,
In our light we scattered lie;
All is thus but starlight here.

What is social company
But a babbling summer stream?
What our wise philosophy
But the glancing of a dream?

Only when the Sun of Love
Melts the scattered stars of thought;
Only when we live above
What the dim-eyed world hath taught,

Only when our souls are fed
By the Fount which gave them birth,
And by inspiration led,
Which they never drew from earth,

We, like parted drops of rain,
Swelling till they meet and run,
Shall be all absorbed again,
Melting, flowing into one.

Christopher Pearse Cranch

P.S - CZ, i guess the url of the blog isn't that random after all

it's over

will post abt friday soon
will post a team tribute soon (this is a must =P)

can't help but feel sad

yet, i am kinda happy

that it's all over

maybe it is destined to end

before i can't take it any more

sigh

back to reality

so many stuff on next week !!

1) Monday - NSW, Training <3, Calling up people for U17!!!
2) Tuesday - Swim Carn, Spar =D
3) Wed - No lessons in the morning = Homework, Settle swim carn, Rebuttal Sheet, Learning Journey in the Afternoon = Slack, Mug for chem cct at night
4) Thurs - Swim Carn, Rebuttal practice
5) Fri = Exco meeting, sci challenge(too bad i can't be there), LAST DEBATE!!!!!!
6) Sat = Meeting (Pray hard it disappears)
7) Slack (Nope, house carn coming up)

things to do:
1) Check on the progress of upper sec team for inter house sci challenge
2) Settle U17 signups for swim carn
3) Check on progress for all the other 3 divisions
4) Mug for physics test
5) Chinese test
5) random homework.

crazy week, but so? :D
a lot at stake, but... that's how it is =)

growing up =D

haven't felt so dejected for a long time
at least not since i entered ri

needless to say
it's cause of jg's

wanted to win real bad, the first championship
so that my batch has something to show
the school, the club, ourselves

and when we didn't
it felt so cruel, so miserable

friday - shocked
saturday - denial
sunday - pain struck me

and for the whole of the week
mon -got destroyed by maths test
tues - slack
wed - cross country finals =)
thurs - terrible training
friday - sigh, slept, and finally, got overcome by my cough
sat - sleep, sleep and sleep. got a little better from the useless cough

my classmates could feel it.
black face at certain points every day
plus my try-to-act-happy facade when being angry is too boring

and then
i decided
that come on marvin, it's time to wake up
and i guess i just did :D

i know 7 days is too long a time
it just reflects how weak i am

but i guess,
it didn't matter
the lesson out of this is kinda more important
and sometimes, there's nothing wrong to admit
that you are weak
that you ain't as strong as people think you are
you think you are

to anish, jia wei, ben, sam:
hope u guys got over it as well

haha =D

p.s. jia wei, thanks for that honest evaluation of marvo.
it really got me thinking, and yes, it sucks to have my inadequacies exposed yet again
but, if i don't learn now, when it actually matters, the fall would be even more painful
at the same time, i realized that i am really fortunate to be in the position i am in now
1. yes, ppl might scrutinize u
2. yes, more ppl would be pissed at u
3. then again, it beats being ignorant to your deficiences
4. let's learn from our weaknesses =D

thanks, jia wei

tribute to cross country team

it's kinda amazing, how mr ting jai inspired all of us at this critical turning point of our competitive season

47 seconds off his personal best
just to bring home the historic gold
just to set the benchmark for our juniors

we cannot keep sending out the message that RI is losing her touch
the sec 1s would one day lose faith, and actually believe in these messages

and today, we did just what was so necessary
we gave everyone hope

let's salute the captain
his team

for giving ri such a precious gift especially in these difficult times
and somehow, the mental deadlock has been broken
we are back on form

today, we learn
that dreams can be realized
and dreams are realized

the question is, how much effort do you want to put in?

nice one jai ding.

downs in life

after today, i guess i won't be blogging that often/long cause i needa turn over a new leaf as a student, and i needa get back to my house work, bb parades, and debates =).

just wanna say
when we were kiddies,
we can be "really, genuinely, desperately" unhappy for a week
after our parents refused to get us a soccer ball

i guess at That point in time, life just sucks real bad

but in the end, somehow there's a resolution,
and somehow the pain disappears

it's the same with almost everything in life
the moment you lose something
you feel the pinch
and at That point in time, it may mean everything to you

but a few years down the road
things get forgotten,
the pain vanishes

while some might say, some things are definitely more important than the others
e.g. a teletubbies soft toy v.s. gold in a competitive event

think about it this way
due to completely differing perspectives,
at 5 years of age, a remote control car is everything to us
at 15 years of age, a gold in a competitive event is also everything to us.
so what's important and what's not???

one day, i guess when we look back at our setbacks,
we would probably laugh at our own childishness=) (haha, cool word)

but that doesn't mean we don't try hard for what we want
i guess we need to realize
that the different stages in our life are equally important
be it "training real hard for 80m hurdles..." "working hard for p6 prelims..." "working hard for our exams in sec 1/2" "training hard for debate competitions"

eventually, our so called goals might not be the MOST important thing(if there is one anyway) in life. *stares at my rusting trophies from my primary school track meet.

but these experiences, the process of putting in your heart and soul, and the thrill of "combat" is really the constituents of your life.

Eventually, a meaningful life is not based on how much you have achieved, it is about how much you have gone through =)

SMILE :D (Darn, I am getting influenced)

crash, yet again

it's just frustrating

you tell yourself, just let it go

just let it go

yet you can't

it hurts real bad

and doesn't help when you got a maths test

one which you promised to work hard for

you were so determined, and kinda confident

to pull up your screwed up scores

then, everything just crashes right in front of you.

this definitely isn't the first time

but it hurts real bad

3 years. it's been three years.

a titanic crash, and everything's over

now, it won't go away

it haunts you

it destroys you

sigh

jg's

i'm sorry, we lost.

probably the most costly loss in such a long time. at least this is how i see it for now.

but thankfully, this is not our last debate

chere. i'm sorry. We were insensitive to your feelings, with our rants about how we did not win the title. i'm sorry.

but just wanna say that you made such a great difference to our team.
1. case setup. Any reasonable member of the audience would agree that that case was probably one of the best ever delivered in recent years for jg's. As much as I am always in awe of my seniors, that was one case which would be THE trademark of Anish's batch'07.

and the bonus being, we picked up this invaluable tool, only in a few months, only after your persistence in impressing upon us the implications and significance of case set.

2. how to win a debate. To be honest, ncs finals was a debate where we lost cause we didn't know how to win a debate based on the rules and requirements of the side we were debating on. Today was one debate, where we identified two criterias: 1. What's best for debaters. 2. What's best for society at large, (or what we call non-debaters), who form the audience of any debate, who learn in the same environment(and probably same classroom) as their debating counterparts. We knew how to win it. And we stuck to the criteria.

the above mentioned are just two of the many lessons you taught us.
and these two are probably the best gifts you can ever give to any team.

and what's amazing, is really that

now i am confident that our team is capable of going higher and beyond a mere victory based on yes, an arbitrary judging criteria (unjustified, unfair, AND inconsistent)

one day, we are going so high.

1. a watertight case set. (precise clarifications to establish the grounds of the debate. explanation of the mechanism. and above all, the grounding of the debate in a realistic context)

2. Defend every substantive and draw the final links to the motion (Show how by proving a point, one essentially fulfills the yardstick of the debate. And of course, show why your yardstick is a fair measuring scale. and why we can priortize certain endpoint over others.)

3. Attack every argument and explain what the successful refutation of a point entails in a broader sense of the debate.

4. Clearer structure and tiered responses

5. Talking to the audience, not at them

chere, you have taught us so so much. from surviving to winning, and from winning to the pursuit of perfection, striving towards what used to be thought as impossible.

we have always aspired to win jg's
but jg's too small a competition to live for, to train hard for
no, i am not saying it out of envy
i acknowledge that jg's really important, and credit must go to those who eventually win the title. jg's stands testament to 6 credible performances during this competition.
however, let's not be condemned to mediocrity anymore
let's dream beyond jg's
let's work towards the acquiring of skills, experience necessary for the setting up of a near-perfect debate, consistently beyond 6, a terribly small number.

let's make every training count, our last debate count, and our future debates(rj and beyond count)

today, i felt that we deserved to win the debate

but i still think we have a little more to go to

be great debaters. ppl who leave their mark on the circuit

and people who can assure themselves that

"hey, i am pushing towards perfection. and to a certain extent, i am almost there."

thanks chere.

i want to credit my teammates as well, but i guess the most fitting statement to be made would be:

darn, ri's a sad sad place cause the environment is overly competitive

yet the amazingly coolio stylo milo thing thing is -
you know that you have great teammates whom you can achieve success with. that's a pretty pragmatic viewpoint.

as for a more genuine and spiritual viewpoint, i have been asking myself, do these titles mean so much? to be honest, if all these years of hardwork merely culminate into a trophy, medal, shield, then no, it's kinda pointless and there are easier means to win these silverware.
but then it struck me(just as how jia wei's belt would on my flesh), my life won't even be remotely near where it is now, without ppl like anish, jia wei, ben, sam. great teammates, pillars of support. ppl who abuse their teammates, (stares at anish for making me carry his crumpler, making me buy cards, stares at jia wei for my numerous scars from the belting)

suddenly the u14 trophy doesn't seem as empty, as meaningless.
thanks guys

lessons

april!!!

4/5 months to handover... yeah! =), no... =(
6 more months to the end yeah =D, no :(

this week has been surprisingly silent
with the exception of house meeting
all of a sudden, i am going to bed without much worries

enjoying this temporary break

but,

what if this break is permanent? After all, 6 months down the road. I would be nothing but a mere memory. Lasting or not, one cannot tell =/

would i still be of value then?

sigh

rest

yay, one more day to rest!!!

"prepare for rain"

just trust, just trust

price of pain

When the going gets tough, just remember:

"it's easy to lead when you're strong. But now is when you lead."

Deep impact

I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise Luke 23:43

it's moments like this, when everything just didn't matter

He washes me white as snow John 1:9.

why, why so little faith


i don't think anyone is reading this, nor do i want people to read this

it's painful, why can't it stop?

and why can't i just do what i want to do

why won't i?

hell

He washes me white as snow

Cool shirt. Cooler quote.
I just want to say. Thanks for everything

one more day

one more day!!!

Thanks

Thanks!!!!!!!!!

Wonderfully Weak Week =)

horrendous

it started well i guess. cause i actually did study for my physics test.
been a long time since i did so

it IS tiring and trying, to meet the expectations of people
1. 380 students, some complete strangers
2. my exco and teachers
3. bb sec 4s, teachers, and my squad
4. debates =)
You guys rock totally! Anish, we have waited for 2 years. Jia Wei, thanks for waiting for me at the carpark, winning is great, but what really touched me ytd, was how great my teammates are! Shit, i shld stop praising you lest your ego explodes. Sam, when are we going to play our next soccer game, lennon crosses and useless jia wei shoots, fumbles, and scores. I don't want to include this, but since every teammate deserves a comment, let just say that Ben, your gay/weird/queer antics and your recent explanation on the difference btw two types of clothing are gay/weird/queer + amusing.

5. my subject teachers
thanks for ur concern! i guess i got to start reciprocating soon yea

6. chem comp


and it feels really horrible and miserable when you just screw it up totally.

in any case, life still has to be lived.

going to convince another teacher this week!


somehow after typing this, life isn't that miserable.

convicted

not disciplined?

i guess it really hit me hard today.
while it is nice to delude myself
that my life isn't that screwed

i guess it's time to pick up my courage and face the truth

i have lost so much because of this tragic flaw

1. rmb what i said in my post in conclusion of 2006, yup, it is going to be 1 of the regrets (a really big one) in my life sigh.

2. loss of credibility (alright fine, not exactly/totally, but i have let myself & people around me down)

3. accumulation of regrets after regrets in my work, esp. my studies. haha, missing out on quite a bit of cool stuff as a result of it.

4. spiritually. in faith. faith in god, faith in myself

the list will go on and on

but whatever the case

it is time to declare,

"i am going to put an end to all these. miseries, regrets, frustration, emptiness."

With a convicted soul

halfway through

ytd
we realized that, we are really halfway through.
(3 down, 3 more to go, assuming if we go all the way)

just can't help but have this fear
that everything is going to be over
soon

sometimes, when we look back
it is a little amusing how
we were so looking forward to this
to be the JG's team for our school
the anticipation, the eagerness

then when it comes
the feeling has changed, and the feeling is starting to go away
i told anish, "this year's so different, it's our year."
and the feeling is nothing like i have expected

i guess it has got to do with pressure...
to revert back to winning days
sometimes, it is stressful
yet fortunately, i guess
this pressure is working out for me
motivation to improve, and learn from every debate i had
1. case set 2. macro perspective 3. clash and direct rebuttals 4. FINAL LINKS

what is most heartening though,
is the process.
sometimes, it is amazing how chere develops us
while we aren't exactly that strong yet,
the comforting part is that chere has showed us
how much further we can go
as a team, as an individual
with the bonus being:
we have her teaching us how to get there

and not just development as a debater
but as a team player
i guess when the 5 of us came together for our first competition
at U14's
we didn't expect to go so far ( not in terms of achievement, but
all the team-bonding, "blaming each other for destroying the team karma",
jia wei's "barber queue" jokes, anish immersing in his ego, sam's captain kicks the ball, and but of course ben's gay/weird/ queer ways)

it is amazing =)

After A While

After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul and
you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn that
kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up
and your eyes ahead
with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child
and you learn to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that
even sunshine burns if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong you really do have worth
and you learn and you learn with every goodbye,
you learn...

Taken from Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul
Veronica A. Shoffstall

the line on the face

A pretty perspicacious statement by Mark Twain which encapsulates the message of life -

Happiness is a Swedish sunset -- it is there for all, but most of us look the other way and lose it.

Rather insightful, isn't it?

a little lost, a little lonely, a little confused

it has lost its significance
i don't see it as a time for celebration

i am really tired.
when things just rain upon you
you try to force a smile
you try to fill ur mind with happy memories
yet you can't

i am at a crossroad
when all four paths seem to lead to nowhere
you try to tell urself, the journey is the grail
you try to tell urself, don't think too much
yet you can't

i am at this realization
when my existence seem so minute, so worthless
you try to tell urself, u can make a difference
you try to tell urself, have faith, have fun
yet you can't

it is detestable =(
it is empty
it is just the beginning
of a long, painful nightmare

i want it to end
no, maybe not

i want it to be easy
no, maybe not

perhaps, that's the root
of this meaningless conflict

and it is not gonna end
so easily, so quickly

=(

2 weeks

my life, you have changed, life's not the same, everything is so different, everything is so different

that day is dawning, where we will start recognizing one another as full-fledged humans, like you and I

i will persevere.

year 2007

i guess i got to post abt 2006 as a form of closure

as i told anish, 2006 had been an amazing year

not exactly what i hoped for when i was in pri 6

in some aspects, i guess i am still not up to what i want to be.

- it is gonna be one of my regrets in my whole life
- i guess craziness is a main factor, or what we call a rebellious streak
- cause some jobs require a realli non-cynical, all-accepting, or in other words a guai guy.
- and marvin being marvin in sec 1 was a little cheeky
- and marvin being marvin in sec 2 was a little disappointed with the system, with glimpses of the horrible reality not seen in sec 1

in some aspects, i guess life is what i envisioned it to be

- conquered some of the common tests in sec 1 & 2 (I guess, sometimes, when u look back at ur report book, u can be a little happy abt ur past records. )
- survived!!! = )

in some aspects, i guess reality is more than my dream

- perhaps i was lucky
- perhaps i was lucky to have great friends
- perhaps reputation grants numerous headstarts and opportunities


after all this

i guess i am realli tired
i guess i have learnt quite a lot

but next year

it is not about survival

it is about living a dream

and i am thankful for it

responsibilities are always heavy. DUH

having more ccas
being more involved in ccas
being more interested in ccas
being obliged to do more work in ccas
being obliged to do more work for the school

i guess it is gonna burn me out one day

but it is worth it
really, at least i am granted this chance to serve
really, at least i have been to more camps
really, at least i have more interaction with my jnrs
really, at least i have a chance to live my dream

passion, pRIde, power

haha, thank you for such a wonderful year

and thank you for granting me a chance to live my dream next year.

some of u might think my dream is really small and useless
i guess, yes, 10 years down the road, it will become insignificant

but at least, for the time being, it is my everything
but at least, in 10 years time, it is something worth remembering, since memories are not gauged by it significance.

thank you.

to everyone out there:

happy new year

and really after all this

i realized that most of the people out there, are really, nice & cool people

between worlds

us and them

staged repeatedly over the years by the Raffles Players

and interestingly, after watching and reading the play over and over again, i am still deeply attracted to this seemingly clear-cut exposition.

so why is this play so intriguing?

i mean, after all

it is merely a play on the consequences of misunderstandings, or rather, an absolute lack of understanding

it is merely a play on two groups of people making a wrong guess on what the other side is thinking

it is merely a play on a clash; bloody yet unnecessary

it is merely a reminder that such events have taken place time and again, and that perhaps there's no point recording history since people don't learn from them

but one thing is for sure:

1. they share something similar - i.e. they share the same thoughts, they carry out the same life processes. and they would have lived happily ever after, had they acknowledged the fact that they are in the end, people of the same world, people from the same world. their objectives are the same, their ends are the same.

us and them

when everything comes to a full circle

1st blog post - 30th July 2006

50th blog post - 15th December 2006

haha, i just can't believe that this blog has lasted for 5 months

started blogging, or rather, started ranting
ever since the heat of all the politics in school started scorching down my back

50 posts. everything has come to a full circle.

and this post, is dedicated to a very special senior

or who i call THE rafflesian

to all the juniors, especially those going on to sec 3 in a matter of weeks:

there would come a point

mist, smoke, haze, fog

shrouded within

surrounded, left right centre by

dementors(read harry potter for more details)

as you soul is literally sucked away

what do you do?

most will propose option A:

if you can't beat them, join them

however, from a 3rd person's point of view

this is utterly stupid

politics can be likened to the deadly quicksand

the more you struggle, the deeper you sink

today, i suggest option B

the way, my senior took

fahd's explanation was "auyong is but the few who can afford to stay apolitical"

on the contrary, after all this

sometimes, it isn't about ability

there is simply no criteria which one must meet in order to be granted the permission to be "apolitical"

it is not a privilege, it is not an endowment

it is a right, and it is your choice

to end off

don't sink deeper

choose option B, it is the path of greatness, the path to greatness

it took me 50 posts and 5 months to realize this.

don't let history repeat.